Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
