totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
