so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
