No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Say something about gay babies.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
