I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize