you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need moral support for this bender
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
