i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
