I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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