I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
