Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
