guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
