She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize