it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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