I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
