every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
