Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
