I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize