We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
