A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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