i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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