he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
