i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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