Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
