My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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