i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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