Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
