I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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