i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
