sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
pray to the hookup gods
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
