I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
