someone owes me an orgasm
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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