Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
