I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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