well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Houston, we have a blender
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
