The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
