lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
