i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
