pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
