If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
