I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
