My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
