i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
