My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize