We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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