Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
