it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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