I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
