Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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