just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
