Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
