I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
