Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize