Apparently you make a good broom.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we made out on top of his cat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize