My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
