GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
