talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize