So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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