im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
