Cold hands, warm shart.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
