i was born a porn star she said
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
