So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
