seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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