Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
