yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
