# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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