You work out of a Hotel?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
