Ambien. No doubt about it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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