Well douche your snatch and let's go!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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