Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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