We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
