not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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