HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I could make wine with my vomit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
