Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize