and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
