I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
