im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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