You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
