He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your penis caused this!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
